This Weekend In March.

Sometimes it's like not being a real person, the way they look at you. Suddenly you become something less. I didn't feel it right then, I stayed up hoping I wouldn't. And a month later, I felt it more than I had ever felt it before. I wanted to crawl inside myself and hide forever. I don't even know why I'm writing this, it just feels so distant and yet so close still inside of me. Now I feel it all the time.

This Day In January

I wish I could get myself far away from all of this. The truth is, I don't actually believe I have the strength anymore for my convictions. When a year has now passed and your slate of memory has now been cleaned of me, I feel this way is officially empty. You will never see me. I know that now. And what once was my happiest moment, becomes the most challenging day for me, and only me. I realize I have to leave if I am to live. What I was, was nothing to you...I created the illusion of my worth in your eyes. I feel this weight upon me because my time is going fast. I have no strength left on this particular cold day, so I'll stay in bed and let the rain wash this day away.

I am awake in hours that should be closed. Something's on my mind, it's eating me. It's this time of year, I'm drifting away in it because you were here...last year. I miss your smile, your smell, I miss just being in this place with you. I miss you, whoever you are. Wherever your head rests tonight, I hope with everything left in me that you are happy and that maybe in some distant dream you're having...maybe you'll think about me.

Cerulean

See, I often dream in cerulean blue,
and wish every word we spoke was brand new.
So I suppose what I mean is,
I wish I knew you,
and me, I wish I was anything but me.
Maybe one then would've seen
the everything or the nothing in the something.
Maybe someday you'll see how free the world became
when you crossed that line and held me there.
I think I loved you then,
but I suppose you're right, I really don't know,
whether the world is flat or round,
so how could I know this person I found?
What I know is when you left, I think I drowned.
Because I thought you saw me,
I thought you touched me there,
I thought one in a billion finally cared.
But I see that was all a dream,
I know I'm just meat and was meant to be,
always just a short-lived fantasy.
I do understand,
I was just one moment,
and you're gone.
But why can't I stop waiting for you by the sea,
to come back and whisper you want me?
I know though,
I know how it's supposed to be for me.
See, a guitar can't ever sing for a mandolin,
and the sky is blue, never cerulean.

Marionette

And if you could see me,
would you see me cry?
And if you could hear me,
would you heed my call?
And if you could feel me,
would you feel my scabs?
And if you could hold me,
would it only last a moment?
And if I were real today,
would you stay for tomorrow?
And if I told you my truths,
would you say I know nothing?
If you pulled my strings,
would I mean anything at all?
Live for a moment,
to play with me.
But don't you know for me,
you are the only life I see?

Alone

When will pain subside?
When will eyes no longer cry?
Why do I suffer so long?
Only to remain alone?
I, choose to love no more,
for love unrequited is all I can know.
I am forever alone.

And if I smile today, will you still see her when tomorrow I cry?