October Tuesday (Excerpt)

~I love trying to imagine what I will do with my tomorrow, trying to actually script it. When I get exhausted thinking of all the glorious things I'm going to do with my day, somehow the script gets thrown out and the actors are all asked to improvise when the play starts. Nevertheless, I constantly find myself lying in some field wearing the wrong costume, reading the wrong book, and considering that maybe that's what eternal nothingness is.~

In The Hourglass

And so they fell apart.
Through the center of the hourglass tumbles she
he, at the top, her, the bottom
she gazes up at him,
envy and undying love bury her in silence and block his image.
She suffocates in the grains of her empty dreams, clinging to hope which still lingers.
But she knew, as always,
it was only a matter of time.

Inside Out

A mirror in the dark can unlock a certain gateway and introduce yourself to a new face, a person you've never met before. Stare into a mirror in a dark room and find yourself, the way you were meant to see yourself. The memory of that image which I cannot bear to see creates a parallel universe system, one in which I dress with a smile and another, deep inside me, where I live in constant fear. It's just my face, but there is something deeper than that hiding in it's dark image as if it were my very own soul staring back at me. I fear that effigy of me so much that I must refuse meeting its glare with everything in me. The reality of who I am and what I've done to those around me creates a terminal fear that is deeply manifested so that it haunts my daydreams.

Touch

It is an incredible thing to be a part of a species, any species, even if it be a rat in a city. Instilled deep within every portion of a species is a feeling of commonality, a sort of safe and homey feeling. Humans are of course included in that feeling. We (humans) are an intelligent race, we conceive self awareness, understand the benefits of companionship, and have even been so advantageous as to suggest the understanding of a euphoric emotion such as love. Some people forget how important it is for a species that has come so far that it can withstand lack of communication for great lengths of time with no struggle for survival, to continue to interact and be near each other. Some need companions more than others, sort of dependent spirits who whither when left alone too long. It is to those, and to everyone else for that matter, that the act of touch is so very important to upholding a connection.

Premature babies are a prime example of the importance of species connection. It is common knowledge that infants are helpless, lacking the proper communication skills as well as skills to sustain their own lives. Premature children live in plastic boxes, shielded from the toxic world around them, hooked up to monitors, they know nothing of which is happening to them, that is their entire world, their reality. They are perhaps the most alone out of all of us, so much so that without the touch of another human being, they die. Small things, not even being held, just the stroke of a hand over their body helps them breathe. That power continues throughout the course of a humans life and it is still small gestures that remind us that we are not alone.

A handshake is something looked upon as almost pointless and completely mechanical at this point. However, we need to be reminded of how important that handshake really is, that premature baby needed a small thing to live, and an adult needs it to carry on. Imagine how many times someone is touched during the course of a day, even just by accident. It is most definitely taken for granted. Now imagine going through an entire day without any touch, what could possibly be the most shocking and lonely day ending in the reality of insignificance.

Small gestures, a handshake, a pat on the back, an accidental bump, can make a world of difference in some one's day, and they may not even realize. The larger things, a hug, a kiss, holding hands, being wrapped in the arms of someone safe, are what we live for. As an intelligent species we have overlooked that which is most important to us, the knowledge that we are not alone. Never take that for granted and never take it away from a person, it is such a strong power and we must believe in its strength. Touch is a reminder of the existence of other humans, a reassurance that you are not alone.

"I only kiss your shadow/ I cannot feel your hand/ you're a stranger now unto me/ Lost[...]" The Dangling Conversation, Simon & Garfunkel

Tortured Souls

We are but tortured souls.
Sleeping in shadows through the night,
Stumbling home before the sun lifts his head,
Living in the shattered halls of secrets.
Living, for a moment,
Then left, to die.
No resolution, no truth,
Left as empty shells of passions cast.

~"I felt a haunting loneliness sometimes, and felt it in others--young clerks in the dusk, wasting the most poignant moments of night and life."~

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, Chapter 3

Keep Looking

Watch bright dust fade through her glass veil,
Fire amongst water, dissipated.

Frantically spreads across the sky,
Dances a frenzied final fall.

Ash lands, burns her eyes,
Far too delightful to never mind.