Inside Out

A mirror in the dark can unlock a certain gateway and introduce yourself to a new face, a person you've never met before. Stare into a mirror in a dark room and find yourself, the way you were meant to see yourself. The memory of that image which I cannot bear to see creates a parallel universe system, one in which I dress with a smile and another, deep inside me, where I live in constant fear. It's just my face, but there is something deeper than that hiding in it's dark image as if it were my very own soul staring back at me. I fear that effigy of me so much that I must refuse meeting its glare with everything in me. The reality of who I am and what I've done to those around me creates a terminal fear that is deeply manifested so that it haunts my daydreams.

Touch

It is an incredible thing to be a part of a species, any species, even if it be a rat in a city. Instilled deep within every portion of a species is a feeling of commonality, a sort of safe and homey feeling. Humans are of course included in that feeling. We (humans) are an intelligent race, we conceive self awareness, understand the benefits of companionship, and have even been so advantageous as to suggest the understanding of a euphoric emotion such as love. Some people forget how important it is for a species that has come so far that it can withstand lack of communication for great lengths of time with no struggle for survival, to continue to interact and be near each other. Some need companions more than others, sort of dependent spirits who whither when left alone too long. It is to those, and to everyone else for that matter, that the act of touch is so very important to upholding a connection.

Premature babies are a prime example of the importance of species connection. It is common knowledge that infants are helpless, lacking the proper communication skills as well as skills to sustain their own lives. Premature children live in plastic boxes, shielded from the toxic world around them, hooked up to monitors, they know nothing of which is happening to them, that is their entire world, their reality. They are perhaps the most alone out of all of us, so much so that without the touch of another human being, they die. Small things, not even being held, just the stroke of a hand over their body helps them breathe. That power continues throughout the course of a humans life and it is still small gestures that remind us that we are not alone.

A handshake is something looked upon as almost pointless and completely mechanical at this point. However, we need to be reminded of how important that handshake really is, that premature baby needed a small thing to live, and an adult needs it to carry on. Imagine how many times someone is touched during the course of a day, even just by accident. It is most definitely taken for granted. Now imagine going through an entire day without any touch, what could possibly be the most shocking and lonely day ending in the reality of insignificance.

Small gestures, a handshake, a pat on the back, an accidental bump, can make a world of difference in some one's day, and they may not even realize. The larger things, a hug, a kiss, holding hands, being wrapped in the arms of someone safe, are what we live for. As an intelligent species we have overlooked that which is most important to us, the knowledge that we are not alone. Never take that for granted and never take it away from a person, it is such a strong power and we must believe in its strength. Touch is a reminder of the existence of other humans, a reassurance that you are not alone.

"I only kiss your shadow/ I cannot feel your hand/ you're a stranger now unto me/ Lost[...]" The Dangling Conversation, Simon & Garfunkel

Tortured Souls

We are but tortured souls.
Sleeping in shadows through the night,
Stumbling home before the sun lifts his head,
Living in the shattered halls of secrets.
Living, for a moment,
Then left, to die.
No resolution, no truth,
Left as empty shells of passions cast.

~"I felt a haunting loneliness sometimes, and felt it in others--young clerks in the dusk, wasting the most poignant moments of night and life."~

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, Chapter 3

Keep Looking

Watch bright dust fade through her glass veil,
Fire amongst water, dissipated.

Frantically spreads across the sky,
Dances a frenzied final fall.

Ash lands, burns her eyes,
Far too delightful to never mind.

Breadcrumbs (an excerpt)

Quiet settles in thick heaps upon the floor. Lost is all sanctuaries, hopes, dreams. The cage is left, and I'll wait in these bars forever, as silence and emptiness torture the night. The fear corrodes the bits of sanity they left behind, breadcrumbs, lies of their return.

They Say A Lot of Things

"They" (professors, parents, authority figures, etc...) tell me I have to be a realist and that idealism is a concept that does not actually occur within the "real" world. This is how I am told to view my entire existence, from a realist perspective. I must learn to understand that every human being, my own species, is iniquitous by birth. There lies the paradox of humanity; I would be lying if I said people are inevitably wicked for if it were true, those who told me were attempting to corrupt my mind with yet another lie. This is the state of the entire civilization. There is an engrained Social Darwinism that stretches beyond superior race, but rather, has inherited a concept of superior trickery and deceit. By being born, we have entered into an involuntary game of chess at which point you must decide to either be the pawn or the queen. This decision relies on the perception of your surroundings brought on by the political and overall cultural socialization of your upbringing. Our history, that is, where we come from as individuals, decides our definition of success. To some, and a statistic majority for that matter, success is material gain and social status based upon reputation. To others, success is to survive.

When discussed from the first perspective, success seems to be easily accessible for those who choose the path of "ambition." I see it as the way those who actually ate the spoonfuls of pre-digested baby food, without looking at their mother's lunch with apprehension, go to achieve their "dreams" which were more than likely evoked by educational propaganda. What is amition? Is it really the overwhelming desire to leave home, do hardly anything to change the world for the better, and possess excessive amounts of paper with pictures and faces on it that, for the most part, you never actually see? Success, from this point of view, is the most elegant of all masquerades requiring the cunning application of poise and charms with undertones of sly networking in which, when the king stands up to stretch, the jester steals the throne. It should be respected as an art, yet hardly a way to actually live.

I once read on a fortune cookie that, "a positive attitude is the key to success." After pondering that for quite a while, I realized the true meaning was, "a positive face is the key to universal acceptance as a person of prestige." If you stumble blindly through euphoric portrayal, surely the summit is accessible. For it is within this paradox that to mask yourself is to be in pursuit of majesty. The cleverest of these ambitious people will give up their right to live, making sacrifices within their own lives in order to attain more paper. Money does not give people actual power because, when looked at for what it is, a dirty slice of paper with a since deceased person on it, it means nothing. It is those who have been participating in this masquerade who believe that a dirty slice of paper means everything. The queen sacrifices free will in order to extend her play in the game. Giving up free will is essentially dying from a self-inflicted flesh wound, but that is the reality within the bargaining of the ambitious.

A pawn's only real goal, if he were asked in the beginning of a game, is to survive. For the pawn, there are more important things than winning the race across the board. Of course, there is honesty in the fact that if you tried to explain to the homeless man eating from the trash that you do not need to have money to be happy, he may disagree with you because the reality of the paradox is that, it sure helps. The difference then, is in it's value to the individual who attains it.

To a pawn, success may be achieved by making sacrifices that the queen would not dare make. This includes turning down opportunities which no doubt promise a "rewarding" career in order to take the time out to smell the roses. Granted, the life of a pawn becomes far more complicated than that of a queen considering the concept the the pawn can only move one space at a time and there is no going back. But these people are idealists and dreamers, putting faith in the fact that every person, even those who choose the life of a queen, can be reasoned with because everyone's intentions are to do good. As Kahlil Gibran wrote, "I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires."

It is important to remember in sacrificing life experiences for societal gains that when the game is over, the queen, although she has almost the entire board at her leisure, has not actually gone that far. When she moves, she moves only to avoid another. The pawn has free will, and although it seems that failure is inevitable for him, when the pain settles in, he has lived. There are restrictions to all our lives and everyone must choose between the concepts of realism and idealism. When all is over and the pawn has left the game, he will never regret the sacrifices he made nor the people he met along the road. Remember that dreams are important and other humans, no matter what their philosophy may be, are not so different from each other. The next time "they" try to feed you lies about the intentions of people and the "pathway to success," remember that everyone is born with complete free will, whether we keep it depends on our application of it. We are not bound by any laws and we are responsible for the consequences of our choices. Think about what you are sacrificing, will you lose by becoming the last man standing, chased around the board? Or will you lose with principle, free will, opening gateways for others as opposed to deceiving those aquaintances who may just be on your side?

"They" say I have to be a realist, but I think I'll try idealism, if only for the two spaces in the beginning.

"Take a straight and stronger course to the corner of your life" Your Move (I've Seen All Good People) Yes